If anyone’s wondering, here’s the reasoning we’re fighting against rape jokes, specifically.
Everybody pretty much agrees that murder is bad, and that even when walking alone at night, people aren’t asking to be murdered. When people get murdered, we go “oh shit, did they find the murderer? how is their family holding up?” When women get raped, we go “what was she wearing are you sure she didnt lead the guy on maybe she liked it maybe the guy didnt hear her say no why are you automatically siding against the guy maybe hes the actual innocent party here OMG U FEMINAZIS”.
Rape isn’t taken seriously as a crime, and women who report their rapes aren’t taken seriously as victims. Even under the “best” circumstances, these women undergo incredible amounts of victim blaming and slut shaming, something really only specific to rape victims, certainly not murder victims.
So when the people who overwhelmingly commit rapes (practically with impunity, given the way we treat rape victims) are *same* guys want to joke about rape? Yeah, no, that is fucked the fuck up.
OH MY GOD I get so sick of the “What about MURDER JOKES?” argument.
First off, while “Oh my god my mom is so going to kill me” doesn’t bother me, violent rhetoric “I’m going to kill him!”, “And then I will punch her in the gut and tear off her skin!” does, actually, so I’m not holding quite as much of a double standard as people seem to think. (I just really love when people just assume they know what jokes I am okay with).
And secondly, no. Murder does not happen as often as rape. Do you know approximately how many serial murderers there are in America right now? 25-100. Do you know approximately how many serial rapists there are? Probably 2-3 million at least.
1 in 6, 1 in 6 women experience sexual assault. LOW ESTIMATE. That is fucking pandemic. That is 26 million people in this country. While murder happens way too often in this country, and far more often here than in many other comparable countries, it does not happen at nearly that rate.
Do you know how many rapes go unreported? It is estimated that about 60% of them do. Do you know how many rapists are convicted? Not many. Meanwhile, about 62% of homicides are “cleared”, meaning not only do they go reported, but the culprit is caught, tried, and convicted. Do you know how many rapists are actually convicted? Only half of those reported, and then only half of them serve jail time. The ubiquity of one is not comparable to the other. Rape happens more often than murder and is prosecuted far less.
You are far more likely (nearly certain, in fact) to interact with multiple real rapists over the course of your life who never faced charges, than you ever are to interact with a single murderer.
You are definitely more likely to interact with a rapists victim than with a murderers victim. A murder’s victim isn’t around to be hurt by your jokes.
And finally, rape, unlike murder is a far more gendered act. Women do rape, and men are raped, but not at nearly the rates that men rape women. So when you make a joke about rape, you are making a joke that specifically targets one half of the population disproportionately. Murder is less discriminate, and so jokes about murder tend to also be less specifically marginalizing to an already oppressed group.
In conclusion, no the effect of the two kinds of jokes is not the same, and as such, the two kinds of jokes are not totally comparable. Which doesn’t magically make any joke about murder okay (many of them are AWFUL).
fuck, Donald Glover. Thought you were smarter than that.
I’M TEAM GLOVER. I will now make extra jokes to make up for the ones posts like these eradicate.
Men’s Clothes: How to Store Them
Men often email me to ask how to store their clothes, so I thought I’d offer a few simple best practices for most of the clothes in your closet. If you’re looking for information on seasonal clothing storage - like putting away winter coats in summer, read the great article Derek wrote a few months ago.
Remember that animal fibers (especially wool) can attract moths. Wherever you store your clothes should have some ventilation and be dry. Keep your wool clothing clean (moths like moisture and especially food stains). Some strong smells, like cedar, will discourage moths from setting up shop, though only mothballs will kill them.
Shoes: With shoe trees, preferably wooden. “Lasted” trees (trees in the exact form of the shoe) are best, but not necessary. Try buying trees for about $12 at your local Nordstrom Rack, or keep an eye out for pairs for about $3 at your local thrift stores. Shoe bags (usually made of cotton flannel) recommended when traveling, or for shoes that are likely to get dusty, like velvet slippers.
Socks & Underwear: In a drawer. Cedar smells nice. I actually store mine in an old aluminum cooler that has a few lavender sachets in it.
Shirts: Folded or hung from a hanger. Button the collar to maintain its shape and another button further down the shirt front to keep them from flapping around. A slimline hanger is fine for shirts, but don’t use wire. You’re not an animal.
T-Shirts & Polo Shirts: The thin cotton of polos can stretch if hung. Fold and stack them.
Suits & Sportcoats: Suits and sportcoats should be hung. At the least you should hang them from a hanger with some shape (a traditional suit hanger which bends forward slightly, rather than the straight plastic five-for-three-dollars hangers from the dime store). It’s even better to hang them from hangers with some width in the shoulder. You want something that supports the full shoulder pad, shaped not unlike your own shoulder. This keeps the shoulder of the coat from deforming. Wood is more attractive, but plastic will also work fine here (and is lighter weight). These usually only come with very high-end suits, but they can be purchased new, and most of mine came from estate sales. Decent suit hangers were apparently much more common thirty or forty years ago.
Trousers: I like felted clamp hangers, clamped onto the hem of the trousers, if you have the room. This helps wrinkles fall out. Hanging them on traditional trouser bars is perfectly fine, though. Look for bars with felt (best) or rubber (OK) coverings to prevent slippage.
Casual Pants: I fold my pants which don’t take a crease - blue jeans and chinos, primarily. Some denim enthusiasts hang their jeans from a hook rather than fold them to protect their wear patterns, but that’s further than I’m willing to go.
Belts: Rolled or hung from their buckles.
Ties: Rolled or hung, untied. If you’re lucky enough to have a fancy closet, you may have shallow drawers with dividers appropriate for rolled ties. If so: God bless. I’ve hung my ties for many, many years and they’ve suffered no apparent ill effects. Mine hang from a rack that was once designed to be used with clips to hang baseball caps. It’s a series of horizontal bars. You could get the same effect with a freezer rack hung on a wall. There are also plenty of tie hangers in the shape of coat hangers.
Handkerchiefs & Pocket Squares: These can be hung from clips on a rotating rack if you’re really fancy, but I just fold mine. A cedar box is nice, but you can also use clear plastic shoe boxes so you can easily spot your favorite.
Sweaters & Knits: Never, ever hang sweaters on coat hangers. Fold them. Hanging them will mess them up, especially over time (but even in a few hours for heavier pieces). Even if you think of that cardigan as “coat-like,” it should still be folded, not hung.
Hats: Hook ‘em! Or put them in hat boxes. And remember they can be a moth target, too.
Sweatpants: I recommend storing these in the garage, in a box marked “Salvation Army.”